The 'C' Word!

CELLULITE! A woman's worst enemy. When I asked my clients and friends what they wanted me to write more about, many pinpointed cellulite as being the number one flaw or insecurity, and even requested a workout to target this problematic feature of the feminine form. To be honest, for a moment I felt comforted and relieved that such a massive insecurity of mine was also experienced by so many other women... even those who I admire for their confidence, athleticism, hard work and in my opinion, picture perfect physiques. I got ready to write a post all about cellulite: what it is, how and why we get it. I even tried to dig up some photos of me that reveal my own number one flaw in my eyes, to reassure you all how normal it is, but guess what? I couldn't find any! Why? Because I have destroyed every last one; I hid the evidence from the world and from myself. Deleted them from my phone to avoid being ever being exposed.... and this got me thinking. What is it that has taught us to consider a normal, harmless, and perfectly healthy aspect of our body 'ugly'? Why do we try to hide it away in shame? Who taught us that cellulite, or muffin tops, or bingo wings, or love handles, or scars, or freckles, or whatever your own personal insecurity may be, makes us somehow a less beautiful or a less desirable person? Why is facing our own body such a gruelling task? Why does how our body looks cause us more anxiety than how well it functions?

So instead, I want us to in this post tackle the real issue here, and it isn't cellulite - it is ourselves.

IMPERFECTION

As Miguel Ruiz put it, we are born with the truth but as we grow we learn the lies, "and the greatest lie in the story of humanity is the lie of our imperfection".

If you observe a young child, do you think they are conscious of their rolls or of their chubby cheeks, or of the fact that you are watching them at all? The amazing thing about children is they have absolutely no self consciousness or awareness. At what point is it that we lose that ability to just explore, enjoy and experience without worrying about how we are perceived? And what is causing us to lose that child-like freedom and ability to just be our true selves? It has been found that only 6% of women would consider themselves to have a positive self image, and that 7 in 10 teenage girls believe themselves to be 'not good enough'. I have yet to meet a woman who is happy with every part of her body and doesn't want to change something. Why is this our reality? Why is a happy, confident woman an anomaly or an outlier? Why is positive body image seemingly unattainable?

It is also worth mentioning that once someone has developed negative self image, they are more likely to adopt self sabotaging behaviours like smoking, skipping out on check ups, eating junk food, neglecting exercise (or obsessively exercising), not eating enough or binging. So how we perceive ourselves is no minor issue and can impact every facet of our lives and overall health.

LEARNING LIES

For some, their first stint with 'not good enough' comes from early childhood experiences. For me as with many others, my peers taunted me for being 'chubby' which were the first chips at my self confidence. Later boys, as they do, teased that my eyebrows were too thick, my clothes too baggy, my hair too scruffy - making me even more painfully aware of that external gaze and expectation. I was barely 12 when I decided I shouldn't eat too much so that I could be skinny and pretty like the other girls, and even after losing weight I was still branded ugly, but this time for being too skinny - I couldn't win! Suddenly it seemed to me that I would always be ugly and no matter what I did I would not be worthy. These experiences unfortunately aren't unique to me. Most, if not all girls, experience some form of ridicule based on their appearance from a young age. I'm sure many of you are nodding along here. Normally these playground experiences alone aren't necessarily too traumatising to recover from, but nowadays being in the digital age with the invasion of social media, suddenly we have billions of other voices telling us what 'attractive' is. Millions of touched up, sexualised images, amplifying all of our insecurities. A space for us to tirelessly compare ourselves to others or base our self worth on that same ever-judging, external gaze.

Have you ever sat for ages looking at two essentially identical pictures, wondering which one is the best? Or lost track of time playing around with filters? I know I am guilty of this. Without realising, we are constantly objectifying ourselves by reviewing ourselves solely for the praise of others. We are introducing ourselves to the world based on our appearance and losing sight of the fact that we are multi-faceted beings with more to offer than just a big booty, nice legs or whatever other compliments come with that perfect pose we just posted. We are also feeding the insecurities of others and allowing this culture to thrive by offering compliments to people based on their looks. Think of how many times a day we comment things like 'great abs', 'body goals', 'sexy', 'I want your body' etc but how little we compliment other attributes like kindness, work ethic, good energy, talent or intelligence. As heartfelt as it may be, by complimenting someone based on their physical attributes alone, we may be causing them more damage. A friend once confided in me that ever since someone had told her that her legs were 'perfect', she had been obsessively training them, snapping selfies that showed them off, and agonising over the body parts that had not been complimented. She had become fearful that she would somehow lose or ruin that state of perfection, or that her other attributes weren't equally as desirable and were somehow bringing down her 'overall rating' as a person. Although well-intended, the comment had somehow become caused more harm than flattery. Likewise, I remember my first time wearing make up and receiving so many compliments, that instead of becoming more confident I became dependent on make up, believing that without it I was not beautiful. Words are powerful tools and even the positive ones can create lasting echoes to whomever hears or receives them.

I work within an industry that a lot of the time perpetuates negative self image. An industry that can sometimes profit or prey upon the vulnerable minds of others... there are countless 'health and fitness' establishments selling diet pills, fat burning lollies, detox teas etc. The fitness movement online is one of the loudest of all with every other person being a fitness model or enthusiast telling you what to do, how to look and the right way to think or even live! Perhaps I myself have fallen from time to time into the trap of amplifying the very thing that I am working to drive out; guilty of unintentionally deflating instead of inspiring others by posting my most 'desirable' photos of my most 'sought after' attributes in order to promote fitness. Contributing to the paradigm of what a woman should look like. I'll admit, it is easy to get caught up in the noise and lose your own voice. It is easy to get caught in the whirlwind of ego and insecurity, and start to be just one more voice contributing to the roar.

It is clear that we need to change the rhetoric. But how?

THE REAL GAME CHANGER

"It is not you who holds you back, it is who you think you are not" - Denis Waitley

There are some simple ways that we can change the growing self-image complex:

1) Exercise has been rated the number 1 most effective way of boosting self image. I'm not just saying that! Think of how amazing you feel post workout - that surge of happiness and accomplishment. That being said, the motive for exercise is key. When we begin to get into fitness, a lot of the time our main incentive is to change or improve upon how we look. That is only natural. But to break the vicious cycle of negative self image, we should try to set ourselves non aesthetic goals too. Use exercise as a celebration of your body's functionality and not just how it looks. Those who have trained with Interconnected Fitness will know that we are big advocates of challenges. Whether the challenge be how long can we run, how high can we jump, how much we can lift, how many repetitions we can perform....we emphasise things we can aim for that go beyond numbers on a scale or our clothes size. The buzz of training is never ending once you get hooked on hitting personal bests. The sense of achievement when doing something you couldn't before is such a positive boost to your energy and esteem. Competing with yourself is far more satisfying. For me, this shift was crucial. Only when fitness became a way to centre myself, feel alive, release stress and appreciate what I can push my body to do, did it become a lasting lifestyle and mental change. Whenever I feel old insecurities resurfacing and find myself standing in the mirror assessing the cellulite gains vs muscle gains... I break the cycle by setting my sights on a non aesthetic, performance based goal to keep my spirits and motivation high. Become an accomplishment junkie!

2) When you find yourself comparing yourself to and idealising others, pause for a moment to reflect:

* Are the people you are watching online making you feel good , inspired, and motivated, or are you feeling self conscious and deflated? If it is the latter... STOP. Social media is supposed to be a fun way of connecting and empowering us, so when it stops being that, move on and divert your energy to things that better serve you. If you were in company of someone constantly putting you down, you wouldn't stick around.... so why do we linger so long or even follow people that make us feel bad about ourselves online? Shut it down by not inviting the negative trigger in in the first place.

* Are the people you are comparing yourself to realistic and fair comparisons? Are you comparing your post baby body to someone with no children? To someone who is at a more advanced stage of their journey while you are just starting out? Is it kind to yourself to compare your body to someone for whom fitness is a profession like an athlete or a trainer? Has the image you are seeing been tweaked, airbrushed or enhanced? Has the person themselves had physical enhancements? Is this even an attainable ideal?

3) Be mindful of the way we compliment each other or how we speak about body image generally. For every physical compliment we give, try and praise something non appearance based. Let that person know you see beyond their physical attributes and that you value them more than those things. Also, for every compliment you give to someone else, give one to yourself. Think about something you like about you too. Appreciate that someone else's beauty does not detract from yours. Compare less, compliment more. Avoid speaking with friends about the things you hate about yourself or the things you wish you had. In doing so you could be unknowingly kick starting in them negative thinking and spreading the self image complex - it is highly contagious. Imagine that when you speak you are always being heard by your daughter, little sister, or even the younger you... what example would you be setting to her about image or confidence, how might your actions change how she evaluates her own body, and how damaging might that be for her future? Lets quarantine these negative thoughts and stop the body hate epidemic.

4) Take time at least once a week to be kind to your body and practise self love. Yoga has been shown to be a self esteem booster and to aid muscle recovery. Stretching, breathing practises, painting your nails, getting a massage or even something as simple as getting outside in the fresh air for a walk or run, can raise morale and release those happy hormones. So save a day to be with you and pamper yourself. Remember, "You yourself, as much as anybody in the universe deserve your love and affection" - Buddha.

Some concluding reflections:

Mind what you watch, for your mind absorbs it. Mind what you think, for your body hears it. Mind what you say, for somebody feels it.

If you liked this blog check out Women's Health podcast 'Project Body Love' 30 day programme.

#selflove #confidence #selfesteem #fitness #health #wellness #perfectlyimperfect #mindfulness #mentalhealth

.